Someone called me “touchy” last week. I wish I could say I let it go but if I did you wouldn’t be reading this right now. Here’s what happened:
1. I got into a stupid, heated conversation about that dress. That dress probably caused a lot of stupid, heated conversations.
2. During the conversation, I got called “touchy” while trying to make a point.
3. I bristled at that word and the conversation was no longer about the dress and became about being a human being with thoughts and feelings that deserve respect.
4. I thought (obsessed) about being called “touchy” for the next few days.
5. I Googled the word “touchy”.
6. I tried to write a post about it.
Other definitions of touchy:
- a person who ignores condescending, arrogant, insulting, offensive, prejudiced crap until they finally call someone on their condescension, arrogance, insults, offensiveness and prejudiced crap and they don’t like it.
- a person who sees and feels things others don’t see and feel. Sor-ry!
Touchy used in a sentence: “I don’t know anyone who isn’t touchy about something”
7. I told the person who called me “touchy” that I haven’t stopped thinking about being called touchy.
8. I realized during this conversation that #3 – #7 are the reason I was called “touchy”.
9. I accept this. I’d change nothing.
10. I watched “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt” on Netflix and pretty much forget the whole thing because the show is so great.
MM
SENSITIVE NEW WORLD 
I’ve been called difficult and touchy SO many times I’ve lost count, although mostly by a family member who has plenty of issues of his own. What I don’t understand is how the dress thing caused a real argument. It depends on one of two different ways our eyes see colours, isn’t it?
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Ha…the dress started as a conversation then as I was relaying further points about what the discussions of the dress meant to Buzzfeed, I *detected* condescencion. You know it’s that thing where it wasn’t what the person said but how they said it? It was stupid.
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Hi Melene,
I too have been called “so touchy” so many times that I am beginning to think that my name is actually Touchy. LOL.
But guess what, to all of those who like to throw labels around, my being touchy (very sensitive etc) has actually saved me from a number of potentially dangerous situations that I found myself in. Yes, I am sensitive and touchy, and to those decriers, I say, So what. That’s me, That’s the way I am, and it really works well for me. It helps me to spot certain types of ppl very quickly.
What they do is to take a discussion, and turn it into a “straw man” argument (when a discussion degenerates to one person leaving the subject of the discussion and then insulting the other person’s character) . I am now saying to those ppl, Hey don’t turn this into a “straw man” argument. If they don’t understand, I say to them, Look it up. End of discussion.
Who are they to pass judgement on another person. They should look at their own manners, and take a course in basic etiquette, I say.Some ppl just love to pick arguments, and they seek out targets. I guess they are masters of schadenfreude.
Being sensitive and touchy is actually a very useful thing to possess. There are many, many benefits.I’d rather be that than an insensitive one like some ppl. When I find myself around them I put on my intellectual, emotional armour. The thing is not to waste too much time on those insensitive clods and their quasi -judgemental comments.
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It does help you figure out people very quickly. I agree with every point you made. I find it helps to call people out on stuff. You can tell a lot about a person when you say “that thing you said upset me”. I’m my least touchy when I do.
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Yes, Melene, and I am very happy that you bring this subject to the table. That is a great thing.
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Once someone labels or judges me, I am done. I have finally realized there is no appropriate or even required response to “You’re touchy” or “You’re too sensitive”. I give them a look of disbelief and stop conversing with them. I do not give them any power over me, which has helped me from ruminating on it for days afterwards. If I have to talk to them (a work situation, e.g.), I adopt a monotone voice with extremely focused direct eye contact, and say only what is absolutely required to be said. Namaste.
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I’ve tried that approach. That approach is necessary in some situations and with some people like co-workers. But, for me, acknowledging that being labelled something like “touchy” bothers me is so important and not just for me. Some people need reminders that what they say and do affects other people. They don’t need to do anything about it necessarily but they need to know that what happens between two people is not the sole responsibility of one person to handle. I have hoarded responsilbility for what goes down in relationships and it sucks.
Most people are so unaware that you’re taking the high road. You need to get into the mud with them. And it’s more fun. MM
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I understand about “hoarding responsibility for what goes down in relationships”. I used to do that or get in the mud, too. I don’t know how old you are. I am 60, so maybe I finally got tired of trying to get people to understand or consider their behavior and even possibly change. Keep doing what you need to do to feel better and good about yourself. That’s really all that matters. And be grateful that a lot of people are understanding introversion and sensitivity these days. When I was growing up, no one talked about these things; we were just considered weird. It’s only been in the last few years that I understood who I am.
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You know what it is? I can either think about the things I wanted to say to someone over and over again and write about it and think about it some more OR just say it to the person. Expect no result. Just get it out of my head. It’s comforting to me to stand up for myself. It stops all that overthinking which is what happened when I confronted the person who called me touchy.
I’m 40.
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Totally agree with you about this, especially about getting into the mud with them. Yes, taking the high road often just goes right over the head of those insensitive people. One person at work once asked me what taking the high road means. I thought,there and then, it is much better to call them out on it at the time. I am an introvert (INFJ), but sometimes I really have to call on my “inner extrovert” for certain situations and certain people.
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Yes, Melene it’s excellent to confront someone who calls you “touchy”. It’s the only language that they understand, so to speak. They don’t really like it when we call them out on it. I tried the quiet , dignified approach, and they apparently just loved it and came back with more..you are really too touchy, sensitive, etc….fill in the blanks. Kudos to you, Melene, for bringing this subject to the table on your blog, and for getting the word out, and for encouraging others.
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Thank you Lauren for that. I wonder with every post whether writing it is worth it. I hope it’s helping someone. I’m writing tomorrow’s post now so your kind words are encouraging to me.
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Hi Melene, Yes, your blog is amazing and unique. I wish you every success and lots of encouragement. It will grow, and hopefully, if you want, advertisers will pay you to ad on your blog. And one day you may want to turn it into a book. Lots of possibilities for you.
Best,
Lauren
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That’s the dream. Thanks again Lauren.
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