The Darker/Annoying Aspects of Being INFJ to be Aware of/Laugh At.

Culled from the INFJ Hate thread at Typology Central and the What do you hate about INFJs? thread at the16types.  

Things others dislike about INFJs.  Do any of the following apply to you?:

  1. How sensitive INFjs are to criticism.
  2. No matter how well you defeat their line of reasoning or logic, they still refuse to concede defeat due to how “good” or “ethical” their ideas are. To many INFjs I’ve argued with, their argument essentially boils down to whether it is “good or bad” and it is right “just because.”
  3. The only down side to INFJ is their tendency to worry over little unimportant details and need to talk endlessly about it when stressed.
  4. They wall off part of themselves and often don’t let you in, even if you’re trustworthy and know you wouldn’t hurt them.
  5. If you hurt them too many times, you might as well slit your own throat — you probably won’t be forgiven.
  6. They can take things very very personally — “cold-hearted bastard” and “ice queen” are probably apt descriptions if you make them mad, again you might as well just kill yourself now before they get their hands on you and enjoy watching you die.
  7. Ambiguity can make them very unhappy.
  8. Sometimes they take things too seriously that they know were meant in jest, but since it’s serious to them, well, that’s how they approach it.
  9. INFJ’s totally freak out when their plans go awry, even if the change seems insignificant to everyone else.
  10. Sometimes they can disclose too much, thus making people think they’re their new BFF.
  11. Realising that they’ve said too much once people latch onto them and they suddenly don’t like the attention…well don’t fucking reach out so easily, then!
  12. Trying to perfect themselves.
  13. Thinking they can be perfect.
  14. Taking forever to do some things b/c they keep editing or working it over until it’s just “right”.
  15. Looking mean when they aren’t, or are just thinking deeply, so they confuse people who are afraid to approach them… Can’t they look dreamy and nice like an INFP? WTF?
  16. Sympathetic until the person actually requires some of the INFJs “social time”…INFJ runs in the other direction.
  17. Trapped in a dream world.
  18. INFJs enjoy too many solitary activities that keep them from forming “real” relationships.
  19. Never returns phone calls (don’t want to be bothered with people…only care about people in “theory”).
  20. Build elaborate walls to keep people at arms length.
  21. They get extremely moody when some “injustice” has been done unto them. Yet they will sometimes not look twice when an injustice has been done to someone else or they will “feel bad” but not do anything about it.
  22. Tend to imagine the worst possible outcomes and brood over them.
  23. Extreme lack of tolerance. It’s mostly black and white and once they’ve decided, that’s it.
  24. Can never justify their intuition. This extends to immediately disliking people for reasons you’ll never fathom.
  25. Pitifully and disgustingly emotional (here’s a tissue you gross, leaky-eyed crybabies) (*I disagree with this one the most.)
  26. They can sit and rant for 3hrs+ and then actually expect you to listen without getting bored and or falling asleep.
  27. They hold grudges for long periods of time.
  28. They’ll pretend to listen and consider alternatives when in reality they’ve already made up their minds.
  29. They believe they understand you better than you understand yourself.
  30. INFJs can be overly cuddly AND cold/distant.
  31. And they hate the idea of being high-maintenance, but they are anyway.
  32. What I hate about INFJs being one myself is that we are not nearly as kind and altruistic as you think we are, we just wear a veneer of kindness on our faces when in reality we are much cooler and much colder.
  33. Underneath all of (the) marshmallowy niceness (is) a razor edge.
  34. I get annoyed when INFJs think about all the possibilities of a situation, all the whatifs. Then freaks out over a theoretical situation when it hasn’t even happened yet and probably won’t.
  35. Try to change people toward a social ideal rather than help them grow as themselves.
  36. Seem to care more about formality than content. ie. it’s about how you ask them, not your intention.
  37. Seem to read nothing between the lines (making it frustrating to explain sometimes, or find resolution in conflict situations).
  38. Seem to be straight forward, to the point of destroying dreams and grounding people.
  39. Seem to think they know better about other people than those people do about themselves. Even when all evidence points to this being impossible.
  40. Will not integrate without social expectations. ie. never work into a group dynamic without trying to set it.
  41. Focus on the negative aspects of personalities and write people off, rather than seeing the silver lining. Or else don’t see the silver lining till they change a person to their social ideal (also they believe this is beneficial to do).
  42. Believe that the mundane is wild, and walking slightly off the path is “living dangerously”.
  43. Do a lot of dishing it out but take anything that comes back quite badly.
  44. Sometimes whatever is going on isn’t even tangentially related to them at all and they will just start on about themselves using key words they seem to have randomly selected from the other conversation…Many times a conversation about (say) floor polish will descend into a conversation about their feelings before I even know what is going on and suddenly I am shoehorned into a conversation about how someone’s dad never loved them when all I wanted was to know whether I should buy the orange scented or the lemon scented floor polish.
  45. You analyze the shit outta everything in everyone else’s lives, but in your own life it takes you weeks to figure out what you feel about things in a true sense.
  46. EVERYTHING has a meaning.
  47. You have two emotions – Bliss and Depair all in different degrees.
  48. Unable to take own really good advice.
  49. Ignores the logical decision too make an emotional driven non-logical one.
  50. Inability to leave well enough alone.
  51. They’re obsessive list makers.  OK, I just added this one.

As someone wrote in one of the threads, a lot of these apply to me (eg. “trapped in dream world”, “Taking forever to do some things b/c they keep editing or working it over until it’s just ‘right’”), but they are things I like most about myself.  All you INFJs should too.

MM

Advertisements

21 thoughts on “The Darker/Annoying Aspects of Being INFJ to be Aware of/Laugh At.

  1. Well now, being an INFJ I can see some of my flaws and will own up to it but so should everyone else. Some of the items on the list were contradictory but I just think in the end, most people are jealous of us INFJs (I’m being sarcastic) but we are an enigma to most.

    Like

    1. Yeah, there were contradictions. We keep people at arm’s length and we make them feel like they’re our BFF? I don’t know. I do know that I want to argue with the items on this list but I can’t. There are a couple of items that really made me consider changing my way of dealing with people.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. I am an INTP and I love INFJs, but I am no where near jealous of being one. Being an INTP we don’t usually care about emotions, and they are irrational, INFJs can be so illogical, yet intelligent at the same time. I understand a typical INFJ very well and can see their values once I’ve had a couple of conversations with the person.

      Like

  2. I’m certified in MBTI, and Im afraid to tell you that at -least- half of these are not INFJ (Ni-Fe-Ti-Se) issues, but Fi and Ne issues. (NFP) There are tons of common flaws in all types/functions. Of course NiFe has tons not listed here, but again, half or more of these are clear break downs of FiNe…so if some INFJs wrote a few, I can tell they may be mistyped INFPs. Probably due to personality stereotypes over function theory.

    Liked by 6 people

    1. No, thank you for your insight. I don’t doubt that this list isn’t a completely accurate description of INFJ even though I felt many of them applied to me.
      I always wondered how these people could have met an INFJ and gotten so close to them to make these judgments. INFJ are only 5% of the population so I don’t doubt these personality flaws relate to another type.
      This is why I suggested people may want to laugh at the items on this list.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. These were funny, some but not all of them applied to me. I think it points out that INFJs are really quite contradictory people. I find myself often wanting to be close to somebody, only to– sometimes unconsciously– push that person away. A lot of these things are quite annoying and I wish I didn’t have those qualities…but at the end of the day we all have to realize that none of us are perfect, and that our flaws are what makes us human 🙂

    Like

    1. Hi Vishnu– Someone else commented that some of these annoying aspects of the INFJ personality may actually apply to INFPs so maybe that’s why some didn’t apply. Who knows? I wish I didn’t have some of these qualities either like #44. The list was meant to make people aware or to help them see themselves clearly and not take themselves so seriously. I found the list very funny. And very accurate.
      Thanks for checking out my blog and for commenting.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Hey there Melene. Heres my take on the list.

    -How sensitive INFjs are to criticism. (I can take criticism if I know the intent is to help me rather than to berate me or rather than to just to express discontent.)

    -No matter how well you defeat their line of reasoning or logic, they still refuse to concede defeat due to how “good” or “ethical” their ideas are. To many INFjs I’ve argued with, their argument essentially boils down to whether it is “good or bad” and it is right “just because.” (Because it still “feels” right to the INFJ. The OP sounds like an NT here. INFJs’ T is quite slow compared to their N and F so they simply may be experiencing difficulty in articulating or rationalizing why they are “still” “feeling” correct, hence the “because it feels right” response.)

    -The only down side to INFJ is their tendency to worry over little unimportant details and need to talk endlessly about it when stressed. (Only to close friends and confidants. Details are not always unimportant. Most of the time, those details are related to some form of abuse they’ve been subjected to. So, I do this but not to this extent)

    -They wall off part of themselves and often don’t let you in, even if you’re trustworthy and know you wouldn’t hurt them. (Not towards close friends)

    -If you hurt them too many times, you might as well slit your own throat — you probably won’t be forgiven. (Isn’t this the same for everyone?)

    -They can take things very very personally — “cold-hearted bastard” and “ice queen” are probably apt descriptions if you make them mad, again you might as well just kill yourself now before they get their hands on you and enjoy watching you die. (I’ve felt like taking revenge and abusing my harassers in the past. I don’t take things “very very” personally. Again, it’s the intent of the other person that matters.)

    -Ambiguity can make them very unhappy. (Not necessarily. It makes me irritated and fearful sometimes but not always.)

    -Sometimes they take things too seriously that they know were meant in jest, but since it’s serious to them, well, that’s how they approach it. (Depends on the rapport and intent again)

    -INFJ’s totally freak out when their plans go awry, even if the change seems insignificant to everyone else. (It’s because of the perfectionist streak. I feel like a failure for not planning correctly.)

    -Sometimes they can disclose too much, thus making people think they’re their new BFF.
    Realising that they’ve said too much once people latch onto them and they suddenly don’t like the attention…well don’t fucking reach out so easily, then! (This sounds like coming from someone with Histrionic Personality Disorder or the sorts.)

    -Trying to perfect themselves. (Guilty)

    -Thinking they can be perfect. (Wrong. Thinking they “have” to perfect to feel good about themselves.)

    -Taking forever to do some things b/c they keep editing or working it over until it’s just “right”. (Guilty)

    -Looking mean when they aren’t, or are just thinking deeply, so they confuse people who are afraid to approach them… Can’t they look dreamy and nice like an INFP? WTF? (People take me for a schizoid sometimes.)

    -Sympathetic until the person actually requires some of the INFJs “social time”…INFJ runs in the other direction. (Guilty. I fear that I won’t be able to converse with them well enough and they’ll end up disliking and devaluing me. So I abhor prolonged social interactions except with the people that I am really close with. Still, I feel nervous when I invite even those people to my home as if I have a different identity at home who feels threatened by their presence.)

    -Trapped in a dream world. (Guilty)

    -INFJs enjoy too many solitary activities that keep them from forming “real” relationships. (Do other people really form real relationships to begin with? What’s a real relationship?)

    -Never returns phone calls (don’t want to be bothered with people…only care about people in “theory”). (Oh I do return phone calls. I dread returning them sometimes at times when I don’t want to go out or the sorts but it’s due to fearing disappointing people and making them dislike me. It’s a sort of confrontation avoidance but it gets better with age. And I care less about individuals but more about the entire system of individuals. I see individuals as parts of a system.)

    -Build elaborate walls to keep people at arms length. (I don’t think I do. I fear relationships though, mostly due to fear of disappointing the other party and feeling worthless because of it. I tie my self worth to the other party.)

    -They get extremely moody when some “injustice” has been done unto them. Yet they will sometimes not look twice when an injustice has been done to someone else or they will “feel bad” but not do anything about it. (Don’t think so. I am not a sensor so I may not be able to do something about it instantly. I try to tackle the root of the problem if I can)

    -Tend to imagine the worst possible outcomes and brood over them. (Only when under stress)

    -Extreme lack of tolerance. It’s mostly black and white and once they’ve decided, that’s it. (Ni conclusions are hard to budge)

    -Can never justify their intuition. This extends to immediately disliking people for reasons you’ll never fathom. (Oh I can justify my intution with my Ti once it gets strong)

    -Pitifully and disgustingly emotional (here’s a tissue you gross, leaky-eyed crybabies) (*I disagree with this one the most.) (I am emotional but less than an IxFP or an ExFP I guess.)

    -They can sit and rant for 3hrs+ and then actually expect you to listen without getting bored and or falling asleep. (Under extreme stress. I expect that from my close friends.)

    -They hold grudges for long periods of time. (Yes. But is this really specific to INFJs?)

    -They’ll pretend to listen and consider alternatives when in reality they’ve already made up their minds. (Oh, input may or may not change Ni conclusions. But I do listen anyway)

    -They believe they understand you better than you understand yourself. (Sometimes)

    -INFJs can be overly cuddly AND cold/distant. (Only INFJs?)

    -And they hate the idea of being high-maintenance, but they are anyway. (Oh, all I need to keep running is a display of sincerity, warmth and good-will every now and then.)

    -What I hate about INFJs being one myself is that we are not nearly as kind and altruistic as you think we are, we just wear a veneer of kindness on our faces when in reality we are much cooler and much colder. (Can one not be altruistic and cold at the same time? Can’t discern if this applies to me or not. I can’t put it into context.)

    -Underneath all of (the) marshmallowy niceness (is) a razor edge. (Oh, I can go against my Fe for the sake of my Ni conclusions. That is to say, I can tell you things that I think you “need” to hear despite anticipating that they’ll make you feel bad. I don’t wield this as a weapon though to hurt others.)

    -I get annoyed when INFJs think about all the possibilities of a situation, all the whatifs. Then freaks out over a theoretical situation when it hasn’t even happened yet and probably won’t. (???)

    -Try to change people toward a social ideal rather than help them grow as themselves.
    Seem to care more about formality than content. ie. it’s about how you ask them, not your intention. (IT’S ALL ABOUT THE OTHER PARTY’S INTENTION. About the social ideal, I don’t know what the OP meant, but I try to see other’s become high-functioning individuals rather than drones.)

    -Seem to read nothing between the lines (making it frustrating to explain sometimes, or find resolution in conflict situations). (I read intent behind the lines. Don’t know???)

    -Seem to be straight forward, to the point of destroying dreams and grounding people. (I can do this sometimes by being too critical and rational)

    -Seem to think they know better about other people than those people do about themselves. Even when all evidence points to this being impossible. (I can sometimes understand people’s real motives. People either do not want to disclose or are not aware of their real motives and present false motives for their actions.)

    -Will not integrate without social expectations. ie. never work into a group dynamic without trying to set it. (I am obsessed with optimizing human systems so I may be doing this but what’s there to hate about this? Is there some overstepping of boundaries here that people are complaining about?)

    -Focus on the negative aspects of personalities and write people off, rather than seeing the silver lining. Or else don’t see the silver lining till they change a person to their social ideal (also they believe this is beneficial to do). (The social ideal is an individual who’s at peace with himself and the people around him. If the other party is strikingly off the mark in this ideal, I may write him off as a lost cause. I don’t see why I am expected to be an optimist about him.)

    -Believe that the mundane is wild, and walking slightly off the path is “living dangerously”. (Didn’t understand this. I am quite risk avoidant if that’s what this means.)

    -Do a lot of dishing it out but take anything that comes back quite badly. (It get’s better with age. It helps if the INFJ knows the other party’s intent is to help the INFJ grow rather than just a mean tit for tat gesture.)

    -Sometimes whatever is going on isn’t even tangentially related to them at all and they will just start on about themselves using key words they seem to have randomly selected from the other conversation…Many times a conversation about (say) floor polish will descend into a conversation about their feelings before I even know what is going on and suddenly I am shoehorned into a conversation about how someone’s dad never loved them when all I wanted was to know whether I should buy the orange scented or the lemon scented floor polish. (I don’t think I do this.)

    -You analyze the shit outta everything in everyone else’s lives, but in your own life it takes you weeks to figure out what you feel about things in a true sense. (Guilty. I have an underdeveloped sense of self and preferences. I am too oriented towards analyzing other people’s needs before my own hence I am better at interpreting them than myself.)

    -EVERYTHING has a meaning. (???)

    -You have two emotions – Bliss and Depair all in different degrees. (Is this specific to INFJs really?)

    -Unable to take own really good advice. (It’s the intent that matters.)

    -Ignores the logical decision too make an emotional driven non-logical one. (Guilty. Not necessarily ignore but perhaps cannot implement the logical decision instead of the socially-concerned decision.)

    -Inability to leave well enough alone. (Guilty. Low F types need less company compared to Fs.)

    -They’re obsessive list makers. OK, I just added this one. (Guilty. Cannot recall things if I don’t do lists. Due to weak Si I guess.)

    Like

    1. Hi Firat — Whew! I waited until I had time to read through all of your comments. I’m glad you went through and commented on most of the points. I shook my head vigorously when I read this point of yours: “I care less about individuals but more about the entire system of individuals”. Perfectly put.
      I feel that most of these apply to me. I wanted INFJs to look closer at the not so great parts of themselves and think and smile and discard anything that doesn’t help or amuse.
      Thanks for commenting. It gave me a chance to re-read the list. MM

      Like

  5. I personally see most of these, especially all of the ones about being overly emotional. But I am also someone who is trying to compare INTJs and INFJs to determine which one I am… because I don’t know yet. From someone who sees both INTJ and INFJ pages, articles, blogs, etc., INFJs seem very helpless and overly emotional. At the same time, though, INTJs seem overly cold and merciless, so I am not sure. Regardless, most of these things are true from a real outsider’s perspective, like it or not. Most INFJs can be stereotyped by the overly dramatic, sensitive, overprotective mom that is super naggy and hyperorganized. Not saying it’s true, but that’s the general parent stereotype for INFJs, like it or not. If you want to change this stereotype, then use Ti a little more and relax a little. As someone on the border between INFJ and INTJ, I have to say that I am more embarrassed by admitting that I could be an INFJ, because at least INTJs can stand up for themselves and lead when necessary. On INFJ pages I have seen, most people are overly sensitive and simply pathetic. So you may not feel this way because you know you are an INFJ. But as someone on the border, I have to say that it sometimes surprises me how sensitive and dramatic and pathetic some INFJs can be. But, by the same token, it also surprises me how cold and heartless some INTJs can be, so… whatever. XD

    Like

    1. Hi Natalie — I think I may be an INTJ as well and the fact that we both aren’t sure which type we are is proof to me that we shouldn’t take the MBTI too seriously and judge people based solely on their type.
      Thanks for commenting anyway. MM

      Like

  6. I’m pretty sure I’m an INFJ at this point and can agree with half of this stuff
    Some of it I can’t agree with
    I love making friends, I just don’t like to shun them, which gets hard when you have more than 50 friends and about 25 close ones
    I can only talk to about 3 of them on a more meaningful level past dirty jokes and college was crap today
    Of course when I was about 4 years younger I would literally just tell people who wanted to be my friends to go away I don’t like them to their faces
    Of course now I feel bad and I’m friends with them

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Ok. So I’m an INFP married to an infj. And the guy that said that there are infp traits mixed in there is extremely right. As I was reading it I was thinking “wait, this is me though, and common infp annoying things, not my husband”. But frankly, for the most part, THIS IS FREAKSHLY accurate. Seriously. So, so true. Some of these things are exactly what annoys me the hell out of me about my husband. Good post.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I am an infj, but much of this does not apply to me, for instance i dont hold grudges, i forgive easily. I compromise alot, sacrifice at times my comfort to help others, and yes i liked some points where it says that infjs are moody and confused. I am also very unrealistic. I live in a dream world. But i believe in righteosness and doing the best. Being the best, living the best. And always strive to attain the best. When things dont go my way, i do become upset but i am also very adaptable and malleable. I think it all depends on the percentage of your traits, for instance, i am just 1 percent more judging than perceiving. And at the same time 78 percent more introvert than exrovert. My sister is also an infj but we are quite different. For instance she is like 34 percent more introvert than extrovert hence she chats more than me in social situations and enjoys company more. I am bit laid back but she is very judging, about 80 percent more judging than perceiving so she always plans everything and does not adapt to change easily. She is less intuitive than me, i am like 62 percent more intuitve than sensing but she is just 11 percent more intuitive than sensing, hence i am more indecisive than her, and more fanciful. I am more feeling than her too, i am about 90 percent more feeling than thinking but she is like 45 percent more feeling than thinking, hence i am more emotional and cry over small things, while she often thinks and finds solutions but i just bawl my heart out.

    Like

Comments are closed.