Being highly sensitive kind of sucks sometimes. I want it to be a superpower, but it can be my Kryptonite more often than not. Instead of empowering me, it sucks the air out of my life. It cripples me.
I’m sensitive to EVERYTHING, to stimulation itself. I stopped numbing the overstimulation and now I feel it. All the time. I feel it in my body like a virus of the soul or something. I want to get rid of it. I want to deaden that feeling and I will never, ever, ever be able to. No, I can, except I’d be a 300 lb. alcoholic recluse.
Sometimes the problem is the stimulation that turns me on. The stuff I like. But, I don’t just like it. I become obsessed with it to the point of being sickly obsessed. I don’t know how to achieve balance. My answer to becoming obsessed and addicted is complete withdrawal.
The more I expand my horizons (like by blogging) the more I realize how sensitive I am. Maybe my mistake is not accepting how different I am and that difference really needs to be taken care of.
I still want to be like everyone else, the non-HSPs, or what I imagine they’re like and how they feel — breezing through life, thick-skinned, unaffected, balanced, disciplined with an ability to put things into perspective, well-adjusted, well-liked, and content.
Maybe my biggest mistake is forgetting that everyone is fighting a hard battle.
This is mine. — MM