I was doing some Googling a few days ago and stumbled upon this “article” titled “Should Men Be More Sensitive?” Don’t read it here. Anything with the word “sensitive” in the title will be read by me but I regret doing so in this case. I feel polluted having read it. It has to be the worst dating and relationship advice I have ever read and here’s why:
1. I’m not sure it was written by a human being — It was written by someone named “Andre Cross” but I don’t think he’s ever met a woman before. Or a man for that matter. It seems like it was written by some sort of alien who was writing how he thought human beings would write.
2. The author doesn’t know what Sensitivity is — Let’s assume Mr. Cross is a human being who does speak English. If you’re going to offer advice to men about sensitivity, you should know what it is. Alan Watts wrote that ” if a problem can be solved at all, to understand it and to know what to do about it are the same thing.” So if you don’t know what the problem is, it’s going to be impossible to find a solution. Cross equated sensitivity with femininity, being nice, giving into “her wants”, and chivalry. It isn’t any of those things.
Sensitivity is pretty much 3 things (in my opinion):
2. Awareness and absorption of information.
3. The ability to separate the meaningless from the meaningful.
So anyone can be sensitive, not just women. It isn’t something like niceness or chivalry which are affects you adopt. It’s like putting on a tuxedo. You many look good but it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re classy.
3. I almost threw up reading it — After equating sensitivity with niceness (wrong), Cross then writes a man can become too sensitive and “then the damage may already be done”. What damage? The woman he’s with is happy and feels good? Oh, the horror. Then this: “if you’re already too nice, then you need to backtrack and be more of a jerk.” What ?!? Who advises anyone to be more of a jerk in any situation? Again proof this isn’t written by a human being.
4. The “article” is badly written — He writes “going all the way back to prehistoric times, men were the providers in the couple, and women maintained the residence, prepared the food and cared for the children. This has not extended into the 21st century so much, it’s merely a statement for the more old-fashioned couples, so no need to e-mail me about this!”
Ummm…what’s his point? I re-read it maybe 5X and I still don’t get it.
At the end of the “article”, Cross offers his readers advice for which “sensitive acts” are appropriate at each stage of a relationship.
It’s meaningless and he gets everything wrong. Well, not everything. Cross does get one thing right: deal with urgent matters urgently. That is sensitivity in action. Pay attention to the important (or meaningful) things that are happening in the moment.
I’m going to answer the question the title poses. Yes, men should be sensitive. In all relationships, not just romantic ones.
The word “sensitive” needs an image makeover. It has been corrupted and misused and misunderstood. It’s just a skill. It’s going to be a necessary skill to have and articles like this aren’t going to help people realize that.
Should I write how men can be more sensitive on dates or in relationships? I have a few ideas. And I’m a real human being.